What Are You Working On?

I get asked this question a lot. It's kind of hard to stick to one thing when you have a lot going on, but I'm trying to. A lot of my ideas are random and don't always have to do with one specific story.

Here's the question.

"What are you working on?"

Well, I'm working on a book called Gym Heat right now. It's, of course, a lesbian erotica romance. It's more emotional than most of my other stories and looks like it will be a lot longer. I'm not saying it's novel material but it may just become a novelette like one of my other books did.

"What's it about?"

Well, Gym Heat is about two women. One woman is in her own world and is completely self centered. She's not trying to get serious and also isn't looking for any sexual relations. The other woman used to lust after the first woman. She's became wrapped up in the one woman's schedule. One day the one woman finally notices the other woman after months of practically training side by side. Once the one woman comes out of her bubble and welcomes the other woman into her world, things get pretty hot and steamy.

"Are you working on anything else?"

Yes. I am working on five other books, not including this. Not all of them are lesbian erotica romances.

Do You Watch Porn?

This is such an intense question. It seems like a simple one but it's not. It's massive. I will honestly answer it, though.

"Do you watch porn?"

Yes. Yes I do. Sometimes I find myself in need of inspiration. I find myself with writers block or too much stress to push forward in a writing. I turn on lesbian porn and watch the emotional videos. I find myself actually rewinding just the emotional facial expressions. The emotion.

Having PTSD has caused me to emotionally detach from the world. I can hear a horrible story that would cause most people to tear up and I don't respond to it. I find myself getting angry when people shed tears to some of the most natural tear jerkers. I guess I get angry because I just don't feel that feeling anymore. Porn, to me, allows me to reconnect. The fake porn with fake lesbians and their fake emotions completely piss me off though. It's all about the kissing scenes and the way they react and respond to each other. If a woman is not interested, she can't fake her interest. I can't fake my emotions any better. If I don't have any, I just stare and wonder why everyone else has them.

I don't sit at a computer and masturbate to porn. I'm sure that was the initial reason for this question. I don't do it for perverted reasons. I do it for assistance in coping. I do it to push forward in my writing. Plus, the emotions I start feeling temporarily are released in my work, even the sexual emotions. I let it all go in my writing. I pour my true self into my work. The true self that is caught in PTSD and I feel like I can't find most of the time. That's who you guys get when I write. Which is why I find myself lost in my work when I read it myself later on. I feel emotionally connected to myself through my own words. It's fascinating.

How Do You Cope With PTSD?

This was a question that took me by surprise. I never answer this question when I'm asked. I try to bypass or avoid it. I don't like thinking about the painful parts of my life. I guess if it helps someone, I better find a way to discuss it, right?

Here's the question.

"How do you cope with PTSD?"

Having PTSD.... it's not easy, in all honesty. I'm lost, separated, anxious and ready to burst a lot of the time. My mind just rushes back to things I wish it wouldn't. I have a hard time communicating with people. I feel disconnected from the world.

I cope with my writing. I get lost and wrapped up in my own words. I reconnect with the world through my writing and the reviews people leave me. I feel like I'm able to communicate with my fans through my work. I release a lot of me into every book I write so I can release everything that's burning inside of me. I know, you're all like.. 'but your books are completely sexual...' Well, that is true. It's not about the sex, it's about everything that leads up to it. It's about everything after it. The sex is more my emotions exploding and me having my own release and form of connection. It's the only way I've ever been able to cope with this disease.

You know, it's funny. I reread my stuff after I've lost myself in it and time passes. I can't believe the things I've written down. Most of the time I blow my own mind. I don't feel like I have the talent to pull off a lot of the things I do. I write without a theme, without a direction, without an outline. So, to see how beautifully put together the books always turn out, it's fascinating. I don't think that far ahead, which is so unlike me. In a story, I don't think about anything. I just, go with the flow. You guys read... me getting lost and swept up in imaginary moments. Hell, some of you tell me my writing is some of the best sex you've ever read. That still has me in a daze, wondering if that's true or if you're just saying it. I hope it's true.

All in all, that burning question on if you should keep reading my books or if I'm just going to stop writing one day and leave you all on the hook. That's not going to happen. Writing is my happy place. It's how I cope. I need my writing. I'll be around for as long as I live. What once was a sweet escape for a day or two has led to an addiction. An addiction I refuse to give up. Writing is the best prescription.

How Do You Make Time For Your Writing?

So, since I started this blog, a lot of people have been randomly asking me questions. I think it's in pursuit to have their question posted on here. Haha! Goofballs! Maybe I'll do shout-outs soon, if that's what you guys really want. :-p

I received this question a few days ago.

"How do you make time for your writing?"

You know... I don't necessarily make time for writing. My brain more forces me to write down what I'm thinking far before I ever have a chance to actually make time for an actual writing session. Then, later on, my brain starts racing with all of these thoughts for one of the dozen books I'm working on and just won't stop. So, I'm forced to find a stopping point in whatever I may be doing so I don't lose out on these brilliant ideas. I will bring up all of my book concepts and throw the thoughts I have down into each book and then go back to what I was doing. I think to have a writer's brain... you can consider it a blessing or a curse.

It's a blessing because your brain never stops going. You can write a whole book in a matter of days and blow your fans and yourself out of the water with the ideas and concepts that hit you.

The curse of it all is your brain never stops going. You can't turn it off. You'll be laying in bed, watching tv, driving down the road, in the middle of a concert, drinking coffee with the in-laws and your brain will target something in a book that you have been trying to figure out. Next thing you know, you're trying to find a way to either write things down or work on your book. After a while people get used to you jumping out of your chair and running straight for your computer. The problem is when nobody gets used to you doing that.

The biggest fear any writer has is support. If you don't have a support group in your life such as fans, friends who encourage and a spouse who reads and gets wrapped up in your stuff... you're doomed. You're doomed until you have those things. Well, most people are. I wasn't. I picked myself up off the floor, brushed myself off and kept at it.

Don't give up. Don't tune your writing thoughts out. Don't walk away from your own talents, even if you're the only one who currently appreciates them. Find people who are willing to read your work. Find your fans and surround yourself with them. Let them boost you up and encourage you. If you feel your writing isn't good enough, read other people's work so you can identify your own strengths and weaknesses. Read your book reviews to see what people think you need to improve on or what you were amazing at.

"Do you have scheduled writing sessions for yourself?"

I do find the time to write. I know I have a lot of ideas flowing through me everyday and I know I don't get a chance to write every single thought down that belongs in a book. I do find an opening in my week each week in order to get lost in my writing. It's not easy when you're incredibly busy but it is a necessity. I definitely wish there were more hours in each day. I also wish I was a lot less busy.

How Do You Get So Much Writing Done?

I received this question today from a fan who was in the process of reading my book Twist of Fate: The Daring Stranger.

"How do you get so much writing done?"

I asked what they meant.

"Well, this book is so incredibly hot. There's no way I could write about lesbian sex all day. Absolutely no way. How do you do it and stay on task? Do you get so incredibly bothered you have to take a break?"

Haha. Wow. Such honesty. Alright, you can dish it out, I can be just as honest. Well, to answer your question, I do take breaks. It does get really hot. As I create it I'm experiencing exactly what you're experiencing. I get just as heavily involved as my readers do. I don't do an outline of it. I don't pre plan anything. I just... go with the flow. I create a situation and describe exactly what I want to happen. I describe exactly what I'd do if I was one of the characters and I was faced with the exact same situation while under the same circumstances. I get completely swept up in the moment and find it hard to pull myself back out because I want to keep going! It can get so incredibly hot sometimes!

At times I do leave my computer for a few hours. I go for a walk, do school work, meditate, etc. I try to focus on something else and relax my sexual energy so I can use it later in the story and slowly let it build up again so you guys can experience a verbal-orgasm. I try to express myself in such a way that you guys can't help but get involved and feel just as sexually frustrated as I do. I want my readers to feel how I'm feeling. Most of the time the writers feelings are expressed and the reader can pick up on them based on word selection. I want my readers to walk away breaking a sweat! I want them to come back for more of my books. I want them to experience something even more powerful each time. I want my readers to get lost in my work like I do.

Staying on task can be hard with that much sexual energy, but in the end it's worth it. I can share it all with you guys and allow you to feel exactly how I felt as I wrote it.

My Writing

I have been doing a lot of writing lately. A couple thousand words here, a couple thousand words there. I have been trying to figure out the direction I want to take and right now my mind is incredibly centered on lesbian erotica. Though I'm a variety author, I think lesbian erotica is kind of intoxicating. How such an incredible moment can come out of nowhere and the sexual tension can build up through a small amount of words. It's amazing, truly. It's funny that a lot of my fans are males or straight females. It's not about the sex, it's about the words and how they come together. It's about the mental stimulation that can be brought into one place and the reader gets to be involved in that moment. They get to experience it like they were there watching it happen. You don't have to be a lesbian in order to enjoy lesbian erotica, but you do have to have an open mind.

I hope you guys like reading my work. I surely enjoy writing it!